Ahhhhh…self-sabotage, how we loathe you. You show up just as things are getting good. And then BAM! There you are to rain on the parade, bringing with you a lightning storm of negative self-talk.
“You can’t do this,” “you always screw up,” “you must not want it bad enough,” “you don’t deserve it,” “why do you always do this,” “I kind of hate you right now” and the slam bam you sort of suck mam messages keep on flying. And you feel bad. And you beat yourself up some more. And then you eat some ice cream because you think it will make you feel better. And then you feel worse. And then you hit repeat and do it all again…it keeps on going and going and going…
Ever been in this cycle?
It’s one that actually spurs a lot of my clients to start working with me. They’ve tried it all and feel frustrated and stuck. So they want to try this one last coaching thing before they throw in the towel and resign themselves to live out the rest of their days watching bad tv on the couch and eating Ben and Jerrys by the pint.
[bctt tweet=”I’m going to share with you a little secret, there is no such thing as self-sabotage. You are not sabotaging yourself, you are actually keeping yourself safe, nice and cozy in your comfort zone.”]
Why?! Because you know that your comfort zone is safe and survivable. Going outside of it is scary and unpredictable.
So how do you step outside of your comfort zone to reach your goals while maintaining the sense of safety and security that you need? Check out the checklist below!
1. Become aware. Start to notice when you are in “self-sabotage” mode. What does that look, sound and feel like to you? Take notes here so that you can catch it when it starts next time and put the rest of the steps into practice.
2. Watch your movie. Close your eyes and notice yourself in the situation. Be a curious observer from outside of yourself. Let go of any judgment as that will put this process on pause. Ask yourself what is this about right now? What is triggering choices you have decided no longer serve you? Be curious, observe and note any new insights.
3. Say thank you! You are trying to protect yourself and keep you safe. You have your own best interest at heart and you deserve a little self-gratitude for looking out for you!
4. Offer reassurance. Reassure yourself that it is safe to let go of old patterns because you have new tools and new choices now. Come from a place of acceptance, forgiveness and love.
5. Make a choice, right now. Whether you are half way through an apple pie or just finished off a burger and fries make a choice that re-aligns you with your goals. Stop eating the pie, have a glass of water, go for a walk, or whatever will reconnect you with your desired outcome.
This is a golden opportunity for growth. It is only a set back or a mistake if you choose to ignore the lesson. Need a little extra help? Schedule a breakthrough strategy session!
Emily