Vulnerability, shame & genuine connection…oh my!
Most of us go running for the hills at the mere mention of those words. But thanks to Brene Brown and her book Daring Greatly, we had a great conversation last week at the Unleash Your Radiance book club here at Balance & Thrive.
My biggest “aha” from reading the book is that shame triggers exist. Which doesn’t mean we are walking around feeling ashamed or shameful, but what it does mean is that we are walking around with armor up to protect ourselves.
In addition to book club, I’ve had the opportunity to talk with a lot of great people about what it is that they truly want.
The most common theme – genuine connection. And each person who wanted this genuine connection wanted it with themselves AS WELL AS with others.
I had a client recently share with me that her coaching journey has been a discovery process through which she has been introduced to her true self.
In reflecting on that, I recognize that as one of the elements that was so transformational in my journey. Being able to step into my true self.
Throughout our lives we walk around with protective armor to shield us from uncomfortable emotions such as fear, pain and vulnerability. That armor creates distance from who we are and what we want.
It also puts up a barrier to true genuine connection. So we end up going through the motions and showing up in a way that feels more like surviving than thriving.
But it becomes our normal and it’s often not until we reach a crisis point that we realize that there has to be something more, there has to be a better way.
My armor was built up over years of trying to fit in when fitting in just was not meant for me. I had anger, fear & shame brewing under the surface…but I didn’t recognize it as such and I don’t know that anyone else did either.
I still lived a good life and had a lot going for me, but that unrest brewed below the surface.
It was not until 2009 when I experienced a heartbreaking loss that I really realized I had to make a different choice. But it came more out of desperation than anything else. I felt fragile and broken and I did not have the energy to put my armor back on. So I let myself feel and I opened up to be truly vulnerable.
That shift was one of the most profound shifts in my life. To be truly vulnerable and have that be honored by the people who matter most in your life. It has set me on the course of being able to be me. To take risks and to know that no matter what, I am safe. I am loved. I belong.
Maybe not with everyone but with a core group of people.
Being able to experience vulnerability does not negate the existence of shame, fear or pain, those triggers still present. For me, these have popped up repeatedly in business, on the fertility journey and quite honestly in day-to-day life. Now I know that yes, I can navigate those waters and yes, I do have people who can help me find my way.
It’s a conscious effort…that I stumble with and do imperfectly. But I keep trying.
Being able to be yourself. To know and own your worth. To accept your story as your story AND to create a life in which you truly find joy, meaning and connection – this requires risk and vulnerability.
Are you ready to set down your armor?
I would love to hear from you, what is your big dream for yourself & how will setting down your armor help you live that dream?
Emily
Over the 7 days, and to the first 7 people, I am happy to help you navigate those first steps during a “Set Down Your Armor Call”, schedule it here.