Over the years I have coached many people in the development of communication skills. The way in which we communicate can either add to or alleviate stress. For some reason this topic has been especially present in my life over the past few weeks. I have had to deliver and receive some “not so great news” and also coached several people personally and professionally on how to deliver and receive some “not so great news.” As I reflect on this topic I feel compelled to share with you my top tips on how to package and deliver sad, bad, hurtful, disappointing, fill in the blank with not a great feeling kind of news. By taking the time to present “not so great news” in a thoughtful manner, you provide the opportunity to maintain the relationship because you have taken the time to consider what will allow for the message to be received in the best way possible.
Take these 5 tips for a test drive and see how your interactions are drastically different.
- Share the information at the earliest appropriate moment using the appropriate means of communication. Most of the time not so great news is best delivered in person, as quickly as possible, so that everyone involved in the situation is on the same page. Distance, time difference, and busy schedules might make a phone call the best option, but rarely is texting a great mode of communication for this type of situation.
- Know your audience and take some time to consider the other person’s perspective. The information you share and how you share it is different based on the relationship. Also, taking a few minutes to consider how the other person might perceive and receive the information allows for empathy and understanding. By considering both sides, we can potentially reduce the stress of the situation and validate the other person’s experience.
- Don’t get caught up in the drama. Not so great news can be met with an elevated emotional response. You don’t have to go there with that person. Empathy and acknowledgement are important, but meeting heightened emotion with heightened emotion is going to lead to an emotionally charged situation. Steps 1 and 2 decrease the chance of drama.
- Take ownership of your decision. We all have to make the decision that is best for us, given our situation and the information we have at the time – that is okay. It is important to take responsibility for our choices and to handle tough situations with honesty, dignity and grace.
- Be honest…but not too honest. Share openly and honestly what needs to be shared, but avoid going into more detail than what is necessary.
These 5 strategies will help you to simply stress less about delivering not so great news. And if you are on the receiving end of the not so great news, keep these tips in mind and also consider these three suggestions.
- Breathe and take some time before you respond so that your response is not driven solely by the emotional response to the situation.
- Identify and ask for what you need in order to move through the situation as quickly as possible.
- Focus your attention on who you are and how you want to feel (ie. I am flexible, calm, and resilient) and ask yourself how you can respond in such a way that allows you to feel flexible, calm, and resilient.